...you can't even brush your teeth without being awkward...

I live in a college dorm with lots of other girls. I'm an awkward person. This is a problem. 

I've never thought of the bathroom as an appropriate place for social interactions, but apparently, in college dorm life, it is. It's a watering hole. See what I did there?

Anyways, I hate going to the bathroom. I hate it. 

I'm the type of person who likes to go in, brush my teeth, wash my face, take care of business, and get out. No conversations necessary. 

But, I live in a dorm where unfortunately, most of the time, the bathroom is the only place where you interact with the people you live with. 

Don't get me wrong - I'm a nice person. I like to say hi to people and smile and for them to do the same to me. But I just find it so awkward to walk in and make eye contact with someone, smile and exchange a few pleasantries when we both know why I'm there. 

Sometimes, I just feel like I should say something honest like, "Oh hey....just going to, you know....poop....Ok bye."

Now that I finally gained the courage to use the p-word, let's talk about that for a little bit. 

There is another awkward situation that I deal with on a regular basis and fervently pray that others do as well in order to make me less of a weirdo. 

I engage in what I call poop-offs. 

Please tell me you've done this before. It's where you're in the bathroom, you know, taking care of business, when someone else comes in and does the same thing a few stalls down. We stay there for a few minutes, doing, you know..., when I'm finally done and it's time to leave. 

Except I can't. And here's why:

Neither of us has seen the other person's face, and I intend to keep it that way. I prefer to keep our connection on an emotional level. We have bonded through a common experience of answering nature's call. But by all means, I do not want the other girl to see me or know who I am. 

So I sit there and wait, praying that the other girl will finish and leave soon so I can finally come out of hiding in the stall and crawl back to my room with my tail awkwardly tucked between my legs. 

And I wait. And I wait. And then I wait some more until I finally give up and finally emerge from the stall and try to wash my hands and leave as quickly as possible before my new buddy comes out to find me. 

And it never works. She always comes out just in time for us to make awkward eye contact and have a moment of mental "Oh, it's you," clarity before we both drop our heads in shame and scurry off on our merrily awkward separate ways. 

Speaking of poop (*gasp* I said it again!), if you haven't watched this video yet, do it now. It's pretty neat. 

And speaking of being pretty neat, watch this video, too. 

It has nothing to do with anything. It's just pretty, you know, neat.